I <3 USA #3

Can you box it please?

This is probably more a failing of Britain than a success of America as it happens in most other countries around the world too, but I'll let you have it. Lets claim it was invented in America.

Americans are just doing the logical thing. It's us Brits who have the problem.

I have paid for this food and I intend to consume it, either at my convenience or at yours.

It's not so illogical a stance. In America, it's commonplace, the norm. It's even offered. "Do you want me to box this for you, sir?"

In the UK, occasionally - very occasionally - a person might apologetically ask for doggy bag.

The implication of course being that no, I'm not going to eat this myself. Of course not. Don't be preposterous. But my dog is a loved and well cared for animal, so I would like to share a small part of this meal with it. Eat it myself? The very thought.

So Hurrah for the restaurant's carrying a stack of boxes because they expect this, and Hurrah for breakfast being taken care of.

Whining Little Brit #3

Coffee.

It's meant to have a flavour, you know?

It's meant to taste like you've taken some coffee beans, roasted them, ground them and slowly infused them with hot (but not boiling) water.

The brown colour of the water is a side effect, not the intended goal. So a cup of hot brown water with no real taste or caffeine content is not what I'm after.

(Hint for international travellers - ask for French or Continental Coffee and you'll get something that might satisfy what you have suddenly discovered to be a crippling caffeine addiction)

Star Gazing - The Griffiths Observatory And My First LA Celebrity Encounter

Day 3 part 2.

The evening.

We're skipping the afternoon because nothing really happened except me complaining how hot it was.

Actually, no - a little note on that.

It was hot. And I wasn't dealing with it well. I had a moment - just a moment - when I nearly cracked. As I was walking up North Wilton on my way back from the cemetery I was thinking something along the lines of:

"My god! How do you people stand this? How do you carry out your business in this heat? How do you cope?"

But I refrained from barking these questions at passers-by and went instead to get an iced tea.

Anyway, back to the evening. As the heat died down my sister and I headed out of the city and up to Griffiths Observatory.

This is the observatory here:



Look, see:




There you go - I wasn't lying after all. Although you probably didn't think I was.

So credentials proved, if nothing else the observatory grounds are a good place to go a-wandering following a hot, hot day. Provided you don't try to walk up. It's an observatory - they don't put them at the bottom of valleys.

A little bit of science, for those who are interested. There are a number of observatories in the LA region including Mount Wilson, significant because of the... Well, I found the link for you, you are more than capable of clicking it - go learn something. It's good for you. Learn about the unique weather conditions that make this part of SoCal so good for astronomy and at the same time so bad for breathing.

At the Griffiths Observatory they are so happy about these conditions that they celebrate this with a giant Science Phallus.



Those are scientists standing around the bottom, keeping it up. Galileo, Copernicus and Newton amongst them.


If you are visiting, before you get involved with lenses and refraction and eyepieces and all that stuff you've got to take in the views.

On my first full day I took a photo of the Hollywood sign from the top of a Home Depot car park. My sister reckoned it was the best view, and it was not bad.

Then I saw a good angle on it from the bottom of Van Ness where the Easter Island heads were.

At some point I realised that it's visible from a lot of parts of Hollywood. Which makes sense - it was originally a big advert and as such the advertisers would really want it pretty visible.

But the best view of it I saw was from the top of Griffiths Park by the observatory.



There's also pretty good views of the cityscape




The city is to the west of the observatory. To the north, the east and the south are the mountains. This was about as close as I got to them but they looked beautiful. This was one of the areas that was ravaged by fires a couple of years ago, so the slopes are a little bare now, but the scrub is growing back.



At this point though I'd just like to make the following observation. The mountains around Los Angeles look startlingly like Korea. That is unless TV lied to me. And it's inconceivable that M*A*S*H would be a lie.

OK. That off my chest, back to the observatory. Keen eyed cineastes may recognise the observatory from the first photo. Some may even go so far as to spot that it featured as a significant location in several pivotal scenes in Rebel Without A Cause (amongst others - can anyone name the Star Trek episode filmed here?).

If you don't recognise it from that film then you probably haven't seen it.

Go rent it now and come back when you've watched it.

Go. Don't worry. We'll wait.



Back? Good, wasn't it.

Now you've seen how heavily it featured in the film you'll understand part of the reason why I was keen to get up here, and also why I was surprised that there seemed to be no mention of it around the observatory or it's grounds.

Near Cafe At The End Of The Universe (it's what they call it) we found this bust. It wasn't exactly tucked away and it wasn't exactly sign posted, but with the help of directions from a tour guide I found it just before we left.



I promise you that it was the flash that made it look like that. In real life it's nowhere near as terrifying. And it looks a lot like James Dean. No. Really. It does.

There's no photography within the observatory building, so I have none of them. What they do have is a planetarium. Yes, the same one in RWAC. But renovated since then (as has the whole site - it was apparently closed for years and left to rot).

After all the walking I did this day and the heat, the planetarium was worth the $7 alone to sit down on a soft reclining seat in a dark, air conditioned room.

But in all honesty I'd say that if you don't need that kind of rest, then don't bother. It's not that good. The CGI would have been impressive around 10 years ago and the grinning man with the glowing balls who mimes to the recorded narration is frankly creepy.

Elsewhere there is an example of Foucault's Pendulum. There are various displays that explain the history of star gazing as well. I think though the highlight of the inside was the live sun exhibit. Well, the highlight not the exhibit so much as the helpful sign pointing out that the sun's rays would not be visible on cloudy days or at night. Thanks.


Now we barrel forward to conclude the promise of the title. I've given you an observatory and so I owe you a celebrity. Those who are still paying attention to the word may have noticed that I avoided the use of the word "big". For that would have been a lie.

On the roof of the observatory signs pointed to a telescope. I followed the signs but found instead they lead to Justin Lee Collins.

Who?

Justin Lee Collins.



Residents of the UK may know him as presenter of The Friday Night Project and the occasional Bring Back...x. A programme where he tries to reunite the cast of long finished TV series or films. Often with limited success. His last project was Bring Back... Star Wars. Now I'm not saying that Danny Baker wasn't a big part of the cast, but he was pretty much the only one who said yes.

JLC was in LA filming another one of these. This time for Star Trek. He was doing a segment to introduce his search for Nimoy.

Which was not how he put it. Would have been better than how he did.

Anyway, you heard it here first. And possibly last as well.


Once the sun had set over LA it was time to go eat at The Electric Lotus. I'm told that it's not as good as once it was, so it must have been pretty special because it was still great.

And that brought the day to a close.

Next time, about as wide a dichotomy between high and low culture as it's possible to do in one day without going to a titty bar.

I <3 USA #2

Iced Tea.

Although it has to be acknowledged that iced tea is something that was exported from England to the US in the early 1800s and Liptons is an English company, you really have done great things with it.

From making sure that it is in almost every fridge in every convenience store and supermarket to making it available in 32oz* cans.

When it's this hot (oh it has been hot) then it's just the best thing.

*For none US residents this equals a lot. Pint and two thirds or nearly a litre. A lot.

Whining Little Brit #2

Toilet paper. Let's just talk about that for a moment.

2 ply is not a luxury, it's the bare minimum.

Probably if you got that one sorted out the whole country would be less uptight, gun crime would drop, everyone would be happier.

When I'm In A New Town I Like To Go Hang Out Where The Dead Folk Are

Day 3, part one. In the morning I set off on a stroll to:



Easter Island....



Or more likely I walked past a props warehouse that had popped these props outside for a while.

This was on the way down to Hollywood Forever, a cemetery right in the heart of Hollywood. How much in the heart of Hollywood you ask?

Well if you wander towards the back wall,this is what you'll see.





Yep, the Paramount Studio lot. While I was there they were filming something involving a lot of shooting, and the sound of the volleys obviously carried.

At first I though it was a 21 Gun Salute, but those are normally more ordered and less random.

Onto the main part of the cemetery. Large chunks of it are brightly lit crypts, like this one:



At intervals there are seating areas, which one presumes are places for the dead to hang out, chat and catch up on things.



In some of the cooler crypts they even have a little piano for recitals, cocktails, that sort of thing.



Not a bad way to spend eternity, I guess.

Elsewhere in the cemetery is the Fairbanks Memorial Gardens. This is where the dead celebs hang out.

Gabba Gabba Hey





This one is the monument to both Douglas Fairbankses, Sr & Jr.

It's kind of algaed up if you get up close, but I shouldn't really criticise as it is grander than anything that will be erected to the memory of my passing.



I think perhaps the modesty of Fay Wray's memorial stone touched me more. There is also a bench and a tree close by.



Of course, when I go I want something a little more, well, a little more showy. Something like this, perhaps. Sitting there, master of my domain:



Except I think I'd maybe want it more life-like.

And perhaps with animatronics.

I've already been beaten to the world's first LOLTomb.




Cecil B DeMille is on the right.



And this is a close up.


(Yes, of course that gag would have worked better had it been Gloria Swanson's tomb, but we're working with what we've got here).


At the centre of this park is a lake, replete with ducks, swans, a warning sign about how aggressive mating birds can be and this monument to William C Clark.



Finally, as I was leaving I passed this and shed a tear:



I hope that reports of their death are exaggerated.



This is the first of a two parter. The next part will come soon.

Does This Make Me A Passing Acquaintance Of Dorothy?

Culver City and Sony Studios.

Day 2

Started the day with breakfast on Santa Monica Blvd. Breakfast Quesadilla. Huge. Stay off the food porn. It was a good job it was huge though as it kept me going from morning until 9pm. This wasn't the plan, just the way it worked out.

From there we headed off to Culver City. Or The City of Culver City to give it it's full and slightly awkward title.

I needed to get some money out and found my card denied. This is always fun when you're in a foreign land. Phoned my bank back home and explained to the very nice lady with the headset on that when I told them before I was heading to foreign shores I meant it, and would they kindly take the block off my account.

Unbeknownst to me, my phone people had had the same lack of faith in my ability to make it out of the country and hadn't put the international roaming tariff that I'd asked for on my account, so that wiped out all the credit I had on there.

When I get home and can be bothered I am so switching banks and phone companies. Probably.

Anyway, got the cash, did some grocery shopping and had a wander around Culver.

Culver has a lot of little things tucked away around corners, like this dancing lion

And this Art Deco style theatre

Culver was for a long time, one of the main areas for studio lots in the early days of cinema. The most significant of these lots is the one that became the colossal 400+ acre MGM lot. Much of the land was sold off, particularly during the 80s and now only 44 acres remains. MGM moved off the lot in the 70s and eventually Columbia moved in. Columbia are now, of course, a division of Sony Entertainment, so despite it's heritage, it is now known as The Sony Pictures Studios.

Rumour has it that bar a few stumbling blocks, MGM want to come back in a partnership with Sony.

I suspect that one of these stumbling blocks might be the name.

It's the only studio tour I've done, so I've got nothing by way of comparison to give you, but it seemed like a good one.

The Irving Thalberg Building, often used as schools, diners and courthouses. Also houses a large number of Oscars.

The entry to the lot.

New York. Or at least a street that doubled as NY in a lot of Seinfeld exteriors.

Our guide very much gave the impression that the tour commentary was off the cuff. He was willing to take interruptions and questions and a few times deviated from the regular route to show us extra stuff (or at least that's what he told us – it could well have been that the tour script reads “Normally we'd not take a group in here, but I'm going to bend the rules as there's no-one around.”)

One of those deviations was a real highlight for me – I'm a bit of a movie geek and the behind-the-scenes stuff is as interesting to me, if not more so, than the end result. So getting into a working Foley studio was pretty incredible. Well, it was just a room with a whole load of junk in it and a big pile of Gritty Kitty Litter in the middle, but to me it was special.

From there we went on to what was the biggest highlight, and it was a huge empty room. Makes no sense, I know, but between October 1938 and February 1939 this huge empty room was Munchkinland and other realms of The Land of Oz. The 2^nd biggest sound stage in the world (biggest is at Pinewood, fact fans), where most of The Wizard of Oz was filmed. Lot of other stuff too, but that's the one that counts. In case you'd not guessed, as far as I'm concerned it's one of the greatest films ever.

So I stood on the trapdoor that Margaret Hamilton as the Wicked Witch Of The West disappeared through as she left Munchkinland in a flash and a ball of smoke (setting fire to her face as she went – true story) and I also stood at where the tour guide told us The Yellow Brick Road started.

Stood.

Not skipped.

There are limits.

Beyond that, Angels & Demons was filming and walking past Tom Hanks' trailer we heard him laugh. I have to say I wasn't bowled over by this because a) it was just a man laughing while he had a minute to himself during the working day and b) it was Angels & Demons. The one Dan Brown book I have read. It made me feel dirty, but that's a different story.

After the tour ended was when the real adventure began. And by adventure I mean me walking a really long way, and taking ages to get home.

Time check – left Sony studios at about 4pm.

The journey began with a trip into Culver itself. Kind of place where Starbucks has to maintain original architectural features to appease the natives. My plan was to find somewhere to eat that had wifi and plan my route home from there. It was a great plan, but for the spanner thrown in the works by the bus and metro website.

It doesn't work. Or at least it didn't. Not that day. Asked me endlessly where I wanted to go, and kept telling me that there were several options I might have meant and could I pick a specific one from the list.

Forced to rely on pre-internet technologies I went out onto the streets to try and find a bus stop with a list of destinations on it. A timetable, if you will. Of course there are no buses from Culver to Hollywood, that would be too simple. On the way in, we'd come through Beverly Hills and Century City. I knew this was not the most direct route, but it was the only route I knew. And the number 3 bus went to Century. So that was my plan – get to Century and hope there was a bus that went east from there.

Step 1 – find a 3 bus stop. They're pretty well spaced apart.

Step 2 – wait or a 3 bus. They take their time – about 1 an hour. And if you get bored and wander up the street away then one goes by while you're between stops, that's pretty annoying.

Step 3 – Finally get on the bus and have a looping conversation with the Tommy Chong stand in about how the number 1 might have been better but I didn't know that at the time.

By the time I got to Century the sun was setting. It's 4 miles. Had I known (and known the direction) I could have walked in less time.

Or perhaps I would have called my sister to either get her to come pick me up, or give me directions or something. But of course I had no credit on my phone.

I would have happily got in a cab, but they don't seem to have those in Culver.

Once I got to Century I found a really helpful bus driver who not only told me what buses I needed after his but was also really chatty. He did smack his lips just a bit to much after each mouthful of coffee, but overall that didn't detract from his advice.

Finally arrived at Hollywood, and due to... Well, this one was pure and simple my incompetence; I got off at the wrong stop and so presented myself with the opportunity to walk all the way along Hollywood Blvd, admiring the commemorative stars along the way. It would seem that the qualification of being a “star” is pretty basic.

Running the gamut of drunks, crazies, crackheads and ticket touts (Hollywood is so colourful after dark) I got to where I needed to be.

And my sister, bless her, could tell by the look in my eye that what I really needed was a gin, a curry and a place to sit down.